This was written in April 05 in the UK. ..Hope you enjoy
Amalgam Man Locksbottom Ok, so it’s not quite Ironman, but today I had to go to the dentist and as the car’s being serviced and it’s only 18 miles away I took a gamble the rain would hold off and took the bike & rode there.
All was good on the way out, a few nice long hills to get the burn going, even almost had to stand up approaching the brow of one of them, good stuff.
The dentistry was ok, well averagely uncomfortable, with a few pain twinges, Ok by standards I have been subjeced to before might be a better description.
As I was leaving with a face full of lidocaine and amalgam, the receptionist said “I hope you dont get too wet..” and it pretty much all went downhill from there.
For a little while it was literally a long long downhill, and now starting to drizzle, and I pretty much have racing slicks on so was taking it fairly easy. About 3 miles into the return journey the rain got heavier, so I skidded up under a big tree and took the opportunity to have the lunch I hadnt had because of my 3.15 appointment. The time was approx 4pm now.
Absolutely starving, I wolfed down my roll, immediately swallowing my new temporary filling in the process, and then as the rain backed off a bit, ..the gods are smiling on me I thought, so I hopped back on the bike, upshifted and 2 hard cranks later was wondering what was going on at the front end.. ‘kin puncture!! ..flat as a slow hedgehog. Bollox! .. 2nd puncture in 2 days meant I had no spare tube now either.
Anyway, I thought there’s a Halfords abit further down the road and so set off on the walk of shame. ..At which point it really starts bucketing down hard. Perfect.
So, no Halfords, it’s moved, gone, not there anymore, & so a further 6 miles later, soaked to the core, I just caught Sidcup Cycles before they closed and bought 2 new tubes. 5.30pm.
I hastily changed the offending front tube, with both myself & the guy in the shop checking the tyre for the cause, with no sign of anything there.
I got back on the bike again with a mere 10 miles to go, the rain’s stopped, and f**k me, 200 metres later, FSSSS!! again!!
This time I can SEE a hole in the tyre and the air’s all hissing hissing, hissed, out. And then with only another ten miles to walk, all the shops properly shut now, it really starts bucketing down again.
I got home at 7.00 pm.
..So anyway I’m looking on the positive side of it all, and am christening this as a new kind of multisport, a combined test of endurance, fortitude and patience, called “Amalgam Man” – It’s not as long as Ironman, but more of a test of where your limits of patience and shouting begins, and comprises of:
20 Mile bike, 30 mins dental work, 4 Mile bike 16 mile walk with bike.
..granted there wasn’t technically a swim involved, but for the majority of the afternoon, you wouldnt have been able to tell that by looking at me.
..roll on Ibiza and leaving this shit UK weather behind.
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